Do you have a healthy sex life? To answer that question you need to have a definition of “sexual health.” If your love making is great, maybe you don’t need to read any further, just go back to bed with your partner. But, if your love making and sex life aren’t completely satisfying, read on . . .
I think of sexual health as being contextual—it’s different when we’re fifteen, twenty-five, forty-five, and eighty-five. Same thing with love—it tends to be very different at different stages in our lives, often becoming deeper and more meaningful when seasoned.
At fifty-six, I think of sex in the following way: Love making is a form of communion—the sharing and exchange of intimate thoughts and feelings—expressed through mind and body.
I perceive that many people in our culture discomfort themselves with such intimacy, and from an early age we learn to distract ourselves. When I think of all the superficial trappings, like pornography, pretend fantasy, most sexual toys, and some forms of sexual humor—I perceive these as ways to distract and minimize our potential for healthy sexual relating.
But, that depends on your definition of sexual health.
When I was less comfortable with intimacy I was more interested in distractions—not that I would have called them distractions at the time. As I become more comfortable with intimacy, I become less interested and less comfortable with anything that distracts me from being present with my partner.
By the way, I don’t mean to imply that humor isn’t part of a healthy sex life. It can be. Hannah and I bring humor into our bed, but not the kind of humor that distracts, degrades, or minimizes. And no sarcasm.
So, to summarize—for me—healthy sexual relating is communing, maturely and fully expressing our emotions, and revealing ourselves while witnessing our partner. And this way of relating is fostered by the practice of Live Conscious and Perception Language.
If your love making isn’t what you want it to be, you might stop and define—with your partner—what you consider to be healthy sexual relating.
If your sex life is what you want it to be, go back to bed.
And, if you’re interested in learning about Live Conscious love making, come to one of our retreats.