In an earlier posting I wrote about how to find a good man
. Most everything I said applies to finding a good woman, so please reference that post. However, here are a few more specific comments.
By the way, there’s a lot more interest expressed by women trying to find a good man than there is for men trying to find a good woman. Every day, over 6,000 woman search the Internet for the phrase, “how to get a guy.” At the same time, 1,300 men search for, “how to get a woman.” The real problem I see is that each day only 4 people search for, “how to make a healthy relationship.”
Too many people either have the wrong criteria or none at all. If you use “healthy” as your criteria, you may find fewer potential partners, but you will waste a lot less of your time.
As for finding a good woman, look for a woman who:
- Likes and respects her dad
- Believes that she is lovable
- Won’t sleep with you for 12-16 weeks
We all seek that which is familiar. If a woman had a good and healthy relationship with her father, she is more likely to be interested in healthy men.
If a woman—or a guy—believes they are lovable, they will have higher expectations of their partner, they will be less tolerant of mistreatment and they will more easily accept your love. All of these traits contribute to the success of a romantic relationship.
If a woman refuses to sleep with a potential partner for 3-4 months, this suggests that she has reasonably good self-esteem, is not desperate and believes she is worth waiting for.
Although I believe the above to be true, I do not believe the opposites rule a woman out. Plenty of women who did not have good relationships with their fathers turn themselves into great partners. They may even use their not-so-good relationships with their fathers as motivation to be more conscious and more selective. Plenty of women who don’t feel lovable, work hard to become lovable. It is not an insurmountable limitation, just one that requires more effort. Some women choose very early on to sleep with a potential partner; this does not mean they have low self-esteem. They simply may have a different agenda, such as looking for sex, not a relationship.
With those caveats in mind, I’ll strongly suggest that it’s easier to create a healthy relationship with a woman who likes her dad, believes she’s lovable, and won’t sleep with you for 3-4 months.
I find this very informative (an insight into “male” thinking is ususally informative to me).
I want to caution female readers (such as myself), to read the above carefully, especially the penultimate paragraph. On the first reading, I thought I had doomed myself to being a less attractive candidate for partnerhood because of my past. There are some caveats that reveal that ones past need not destine a woman to be unpartnerable, or a less attractive partner.
Thanks for sharing your insights.
what about women who had no dad or terrible dads but who worked on the issue and are currently emotionally healthy? why leave them out?
Absolutely, I do not mean to exclude women who had terrible dads or no dad at all. Please re-read the last part of my post in which I wrote, “Plenty of women who did not have good relationships with their fathers turn themselves into great partners. They may even use their not-so-good relationships with their fathers as motivation to be more conscious and more selective. Plenty of women who don’t feel lovable, work hard to become lovable. It is not an insurmountable limitation, just one that requires more effort.”
No one is excluded because of their past…it’s a matter of what they do with their past that counts.
meeting a good woman today seems very impossible for me. i am a straight man that had been married at one time, and was a very caring and loving husband as well. but she cheated on me, and had i known that she was so rotten in the first place, i never would have married her at all. now that i go out, i seem to meet so many nasty women. they have that shit don’t stink of an attitude now, which makes it a lot worse. many of them think that they are all that, and with that attitude i can see why many of them are such a low life today. this does make it very difficult for us straight men that want very much to meet a good woman today, especially that a man like me has been married before, and i certainly hate going out as it is. i have noticed that many women now are into other women nowadays, and that certainly adds to the problem for the men like us that looking for a good woman.
a good woman you say, well where would they be? i seem to meet all the nasty low life losers.
Franko— no disrespect intended, but maybe part of the reason has to do with your attitude. Just referring to people as “nasty low life losers” is not a very helpful place to start.
At the heart of the work we teach is the idea that what we see in other people is our own projection. We don’t clearly see people for who they are, we see what we project. So if you project so negatively onto women . . . maybe you scare away the good ones.
See what happens if you open up to a new way of seeing women. Maybe you’ll attract a different kind of person into your life.
thank you Jake for your support. i am a straight man that had been married myself at one time, and i was a very caring and loving husband until she cheated on me. i was very much committed to her and loved her very much too, and i even thought that i was going to have a family. now that i am in my late fifties, it is much more difficult meeting a good woman again. many of them do seem to have an attitude problem, and trying to start a normal conversation is very hard since they just walk away. i do see this happening to other men that i know, so i am not alone. and today many women want men with a very large bank account, and years ago they accepted the men for who they were, and he did not have to be rich either. it is just too bad that the women of today can’t be like our mom’s were back then, boy it would have been a lot different than today.
Franko — you can reinforce your opinion of women by finding other men who share your opinion, but the question to ask is, “how’s this working out?” It doesn’t sound like it’s working all that well.
What I’m suggesting is that you consider adopting a new approach. Sure there are women (and men) who are difficult to deal with, but there are also women (and men) who are seeking healthy, mature relationships. All the women out there aren’t looking for rich men.
I strongly encourage you to start looking for women who are healthy—maybe like your mom—and stop prejudging them, because this will only make the good ones turn away from you before you ever meet them.
You’ve got nothing to lose in trying a new approach.
thank you again, and i should start being much more positive too. PEACE.