Sex and the Long-Term Relationship: New York Times

The basic drift of an article in the NY Times is that many men and woman, according to the findings of a recent study, are disappointed with the lack of sex in their relationships. And this was attributed to too many “other tasks and obligations competing for a couple’s time.” They are too busy, too stressed, too tired…

From a Live Conscious point of view, this fits with many other trends we are seeing—all of which can be summarized by saying that people feel overwhelmed. But stop for a moment and reread what I wrote, “all of which can be summarized by saying that people feel overwhelmed.” What happens if we change that sentence to read, “all of which can be summarized by saying that people overwhelm themselves”?

That’s an example of Perception Language, which is at the heart of Live Conscious. Yes, we feel overwhelmed, but who is doing this to us? Who overwhelms us? We do this to ourselves, but the way we speak about it, we pretend it’s part of the human condition. But it’s not. We overwhelm ourselves as a result of the choices we make.

I’m not saying that living in the world today, paying the mortgage and raising kids isn’t demanding. I’m saying that when we act as if the world overwhelms us, we add to our sense of overwhelm. We aren’t recognizing our role in overwhelming ourselves. When we do recognize our role, we actually empower ourselves—we no longer feel helpless, like victims of circumstance.

In many areas of our lives, we think and speak—unconsciously—as if we are stuck, or as if other people determine how we feel. When we change our language, when we start assuming responsibility for our feelings, our reactions and our behaviors, we overwhelm ourselves less because we have more control.

Do you want more sex in your long-term relationship? Really, do you? If so, recreate your life so that you treat this as a priority.

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